winter - 23/24

2/19/24

song of the day - Ampersand - They Might Be Giants or What Is Everyone Starign At? - They Might Be Giants

soo... i did the shot...? it was fine. i freaked out a bit when it came to actually puncturing the skin but other than that it was uneventful. afterwards i went to Diaso and picked up a cute little case for the supplies so i knew where they were.. i have to use two needles, but theyre color coded so that makes it easier. kind of odd that i'm actually on HRT now but hoenstly it doesnt feel that differnet .. obviously... im still a bit nervous once changes do start happening, but that won't be until may... or next month at the earliest... it's all gradual... it's fine... goodness gracious...

earlier i spilled green tea leaves all over my computer.. i think i got it all up but not exactly sure...

ive been trying to work on music more but i keep feelling uninspired.. i want to bracnh out genre-wise but IDK! my friend asked me today if ive released anything... GUYS.... i dont want to do anything.. but i still do :-) i starteed writing a new song yesterday ... i want to not have the fear of embarassment because that only holds me back... but its hard... :( one day...

these past couple days i've just been at home.. save for Saturday when i volunteered at the library for a lunar new year;s celebration ut that was kind of awfull since i couldnt make it to the orientation so i had nothing ot do.. so i jsut sat around and admitted to small children i didnt know how to fold an origami horse when they asked for help... i tried twice but i failed both times... there was also a dragon dance and the groupd that did it was around my age... i felt so unaccomplished... BUT aftwerwards i got my passport photos taken so that was fun (ish?) im actually sort of looking forward to going back to school now... except for a preformance i have to do Wednesday on a project im not even done with! i want to get out of it but im not sure if it;s too late now... sigh...

i think that's all i have to say... bye!

2/14/24

song of the day - For No One - The Beatles OR Lovefool - The Cardigans

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!!!! i love this holiday!! i love heart stuff and the candy and roses and flowers and love :-) today was really fun... i basically listened to music all day and since it was recently lunar new year my school was serving potstickers and dumplings for lunch today! i got two lollipops too !! afterschool me and my girlfriend went to in-n-out and Target to get gifts for each other, and it was really fun ☺ it was raining a lot though so now im soaked.. but in general today was really nice, im so lucky to have her and idk life is jst great ♥ i got her a lego set, chocolates, and a card; and she got me an orange-scented candle and chocolates that im eating right now!!!

i really can't believe that tommorrow i start testosterone.. it still feels like such a far away thing... im really nervous.... just because i'm like scared of needles... ive like turned it over so many times in my head though that i cant just - back out.. plus like i really do want it i jst like overthink important decisions i guess.. anyways im so excited! heehee!!!!!

hmmmmmmmmm... oh ive been working on more music! i think ive started all the songs for altocumulus i just have to like make them work and write lyrics and everrything.... ive already released one song that's going to be on there.. its on my soundcloud and youtube if you want to llisten :-) im super excited to have finished a big project like that,, especially for music! im also currently in an audio production class right now so hopefully ill learn more about how to make music and stuff like that so i can make more!!! YAY!

i dunno what else to say.. bye mwah (ill add photos later if i feel like it...)

2/10/24

ALBUM pf the day - Breakfast With Girls- Self

good mornang... !!!!!!!!!!!! it is saturday!! umm now there's only 5 days left until i start T, come to think of it i might add a little counter thing or smth to like show how many days ive been on it... anways im super exicted ive bene thinking about it a lot! kind of nervious for that day too thought because i have a lot of other appointments that day and i dont like being overscheduled especially with medical stuff.... but ill be okay :^) i'm especially excited to be able to be more confident because as of rigth now i dont have very high self-esteem (and im hoping hrt will change that ! if not.. i mgiht be screwed)

ALso recently ive been feeling... BURNT OUT!!!! (screams of anguish play in the distance) ... its jsut because ive been working on music liek every day to the point where its like so repetitive whwere i dont want to anymore.. but i did draw today! and also i learned how to play bass correctly! if you knwo me.,,. ive bene playing bass since september of 2021.. however i learned everything through youtube tutorials,, and slowly forgot how to play with good hand positioning.. so it was really painful after like two songs!! hoever i watched an awesome tutorial on how to play with small hands, and all of a sudden that pain dissappeared... its honestly a godsend because it was getting pretty baad...

i want to do sm mroe with my songs and album im working on, but i am just losing inspiratoin.. or not relaly losing it but more jsut getting so much i dont know how to put it out onto paper.. so its all just a jumbled mess in my head... i have most of the songs liek halfway done but the lyrics is hwere i struggle... ill take a teensy break and then try to use another process... yes! i;m hoping itll be done by like,... march or apirl! it wont be that hard because its all jst chiptune but maybe? esepcially singce i am planning on using lyrics that might be another reason why itll tkae longer...

ANywyas today ive been doing a lot! i got a new perscriptionn for glasses because it changed, im more (?) farsighted than i was before... dont think i wear glasses though, because theyre only for reading... (im not wearing my old pair, but i should).... theyre grey and rectangular which is like the ones i have now (okay i put them on) but mine now have ... bite marks on them... and alos theyre blue. and kind of ulgy. but that's not my fault, i picked themout when my eyes were dialiated so i couldnt even SEE...? super excited to get new ones that hopefully work better though! we will see...

oh i also FINALLY got my birth certificate! the order got approved back in late september, but it jst now came in the mail! now i have to rush getting a new social security number and then passport... i leave for Greece next month! eek! hopefully the photo doesnt come back bad.. oh man...

EEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okey good bye

2/3/24

song fo the day - sapphire bullets if it was on the pink album - tmbg (cover by Luke Hennisch)

today was one of the best days liek ever!!! so it's officially been one year since i started dating my girlfriend, and its so crazy because i feel like the time has passed by so quickly! im so happy that im with her!!!! its been really great adn i couldnt be luckier to be with her :-) today we went by the lake, and then later to her favorite taco place ! we also exchanged gifts, and i got a Fear of Music cd and a card!!! ive been looking for that one for a while... anyways its been great and even though it started to rain it was really nice taking the bus with her and going to a restaurant for the first time (maybe?) alone :-) i love the bus i love the rain and for some reasons the planes were flying low today so it was beautiful to see them closer... and when it got dark and rainy you could see their headlights... also excuse my spelling mustakes my cat keeps hitting my hands because he wants me to pet him... he'll have to w ait....

lately ive been good also !! been working on my new album pretty consistently and im liking how thats going :-) i really like chiptune/midi-kinda music so that's what im goign for !! it wont be really good because its my first songs , but i like it so far for its kind of new-ness! (new like.. debut album ?? it has a certain charm to it and i love checking out other artists' demos and first takes ...) but yeah! i wanna have it done by march 8th but that might be too soon.. i like 3/8/24 as a date though... hmmmm... anyways i have three songs done and a bucnh more im working on!!! im not sure if ill add lyrics because of how my voice sounds, but i might!

ummmm... yeah!!!! ive been hanging out with the cats more, avery and pascal are in my room right now enjoying my heater :-) also umm ive been trying to practice my instruments and hobbies a lot more but its hard because of how busy i am with school... i have three essays in the works right now... im acutally starting to write an essay in french which is really crazy considering ive only practiced it in school!! im super excited to be able to say ive written somethign kind of long in french, thatlike - kind of proves that i might actually be good at it ??? the grammar part is what trips me up though, i usually have to correct my paragraphs a couple times before they're completely correct... but its okay!! im hopeing to actually be fluent at some point, and i wanna listen and watch more media in french so its easier to keep my understanding!

speaking of languages, ive also been tryign to learn greek because im going to Greece next month!! wow thats another thign thats so crazy i can say!!! i dont wanna go there and not knwo any of the language, so i decided to start learnign duolingo.. (i can say .. water... i think) but yes i am super stoked for my trip!!! the only thing is that i dont have my new updated birth certificate yet, and i dont have a passport :( so im really hoping that can all be complete really soon because i do NOT want to have to get a passport with my deadname! nor do i want to have to talk to the airline about why my name is different on my ticket! i dont want a repeat of when i took the PSATs and my principal shouted that name in front of everyone because apparently they forgot... (this isnt like - normal either.. my school is usually very supportive with that stuff) but yeah i dont like thinking about it... and in a couple months i wont look like how i do either becuase of hrt... wow .... i dont liek thingking about that...

but yes my liife has been wonderful!!! love you all !! mwah!!

also i am really sorry baout the decline of quality.... i feel like this is almost unreadable.... those who get it get it and those who dont dont...


https://picasion.com/gl/hWZk/
january playlist :-)

1/26/24

album of the week: figure 8 - elliott smith

im in history class again. this week has been CRAY-ZAY! soo yesterday i was just like, living my life, as yoou do.. and my sibling randomly starts posting on her tumblr how something crazy happened... but she wouuldnt tell me until i got home... so i was just wondering what it could be... so i got home,,, and shewouldnt let me open the bathroom door..... because there were TWO CATS IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! QHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so basically my mom had adopted the two kittys for some reason on a random thursday.... even though we dont have space... and i had said like a million times i didnt want any more pets... and she didnt let me know at all but she told my sibling... yeowch! i was sitting on the floor for a while petting them... theres an orange tabby her names persimmon and we have a grey tabby with white paws and her name is avery !!! theyre very cute but i was really upset at my mom for a littl while about it... gosh.........

another crazee thing that happened is while i was sitting on the floor of my bathroom i was waiting for the presale for mitski tickets to happen!! and i bought them!!!! i didnt do liike actual seats because it was wayy too expensive but i idid get general admission tickets!! im going with my friend later this year :-) im super excited... ive been listenign to her for 3 years now which is longer than any other artist that i currently like.. maybe that's just because my life is still so short.. thats 1/5 of my liife! anyways im hoping itll be fun ☺

today im going with my girlfriend to some record stores and hanging out! and also my local library emailed me the other day about volunteering for lunar new year since i volunteered for a little while over the summer... and im gonna volunteer there!!! yay!!! its for a crafts faire thingy and those are my favorites to run :-)

lately ive been also drawing more and writing more songs!!! its kind of hard to like get inspiration but im still trying :P im hoping to put a lot of my music on this site on like the junkdrawer page!! i love how that one turned out... oh im also re-doing my plushies page because its SO UGLY... i love sanrio and all that but its kind of an eyesore and it doesn't really go with the rest of my site... so yeah ☺

uuhhhhhh... my girlfriend gave me a sticker today... i put some of my own stickers on my laptop a little while ago,.... theres a miffy one on the back and a mable sticker on the like part in front of the keyboard.. and miffys teddy bear is also under the screen... his name is boris ☺ i love him !!! i wanna get more stickers for my laptop but im gonna wait in case i decide its ugly later...

anyways i think that's all i have to say!! byee >_<

1/16/24

song of the day: the decline and fall of me - sparks

im in history class righgt now but im doing more important things than work... BLOGGING! i love blogging. i also added a mouse effect to this page because i felt like it needed something more......... anywyas..... i have a lemon ... 😊

s what a crazy life.... ive been sooo busy lately its not even funny... i altered one of my sweatshirts because it was really UGLY and it was my dads... and it wastoo long... so i cut off all the ribbing and added my own hem to it!!! i was originally gonna make it be green, but i didnt have enough embroidery floss... turns out an entire spool of it wasnt enough either... dont tell anyone but on the back its a slightly lighter yellow than on the rest!! oh no! but ive been meaning to do somethig to this sweatshirt for a while because i really like the color but it was just too long and i would never wear it... ☺

it is now 8pm this same day... afterschool me and em took the bus to her house and it was fun! it was pouring though and i left my umbrella there (ive yet to tell her...) but luckily my mom picked me up! she also gave me back my portable CD player so now i can listen to CDs by myself! i havent really been using the speaker one sadly... but hopefully i will soon! i honestly don't even know why i asked for it for christmas other than to play cassettes (i couldve jst gotten a walkman or msth...)

what else.. oh !! i'll be starting testosterone HRT next month!! February 15th!! exciting!!! my doctor told me that i'll just have to get over my fear of needles but luckily theyre only subcutaneous injections so it wont be as bad!! anyways im suepr excited and also nervous!!! YAY!!!

umm...... i dont have anything else to say... goodnihght

1/9/24

song of the day: Amnésie - Les Rita Mitsouko ORR Expert In A Dying Field - The Beths

hiii guhiihihi i statrted school again! we are so back!!! these past couple of days have actually been good! !!! yay! umm tommorrow i have an appointment to go over the consent form for my hrt,, so thats interesting i guess.... im also probably going to trade my new computer for a smaller & lighter model because at the moment its really heavy and its painful to carry around school :( i feel bad but i cant keep it ....

im taking an audio production class this semester and im excited to learn about how to make songs and stuff in a more 'perfessional' or at least organized way!! i havent worked on music in a little bit but ive just been busy and stuff.. i also havent been practiciing.. but you know how it is.. now im drawing a little bit more and its super fun!!! i love working with different mediums but TBH a cheap mechanical pencil and paper is the best... mwah mwah mwah

okay so speaking of my hrt im super nervous to start taking it.. not because of the effects but the way its administered... im SO scared of needles.... ive probably mentioned it like a million times but i feel like its just nervewracking! but i think this year's gonna be super fun and stuff mainly because of that! i mean i wont feel like as uncomfortable ... existing as i am right now (its not that bad dont worry !) but im excited to be able to pass and wear more clothes than i can now :-)

ive also been trying to expand my music taste but its only kind of working... i wanna listen to more songs in french but i dunno how to find artists in genres i like... i mean i found les rita mitsouko through that one tumblr account 'have you heard this artist' or somethign... but i definitely wanna become fluent in it at some poitn! also jst in general listening to new albums by artists i already like.. but a lot of the times i'll plan out when to listen to an album based on the cover art.. like this past fall i planned to listen to i like fun in september, factory showroom in october, and the spine in november... (theyre all tmbg albums BTW) because of the cover art. theyre all amazing albums also ! i did a cover of one of the songs on factory showroom that im planning on showing on my music page, but i dont have enough songs done to be able to yet.. but you cann find it on my tumblr because its on youtube! anyways in the future i wanna listen to feelings by david byrne in february/march. and maybe state songs by john linnell in march... but yeah i dunno i wanna listen to more people because the songs i liek get repetitive really quickly...

although one album i havent planned specifically when to listen to is tmbg's 24th album! ive heard its coming out this year... so whenever that drops ill listen to it ASAP! and also if any albums from any other artists drop ill ilsten to those too :-) last year when the land is inhospitable and so are we by mitski came out it was perfect because my brain associated it with september!!! thats another great album to check out !!! oh i wanna listen to more XTC too i wanna listen to oranges and lemons over the summer... umm also i wanna listen to little creatures or one of their other post-speaking in tongues albums maybe during the spring... ive tried listening to that album before but i didnt really like it at first... umm ohh also maybe the half-baked serenade by self! yeah i think thats it...

anywayss i think im done talking for now... au revoir goodbye adiós αντιο σας!

1/5/24

song of the day: Where Your Eyes Don't Go (demo) - They Might Be Giants

HIII so i was wondering because i didnt really use this page that much over december and i was afriad of using too much memory but i realized i could just add the other months on top of the december one.. genius right?! this couldn't go badly at all! so here we are. yeah. click the button underneath to view my december entries. its january now! ketchup!4

soo... the new year's been prety good so far :-) my sleep schedule hasn't though,,, yessterday i only ended up getting to bed around 4am,... anyways i dont think ive shared my new year s resolutins here yet so here they are:

  • read at least one book a month
  • talk to more people! :-)
  • learn piano (im using this youtube tutorial to help!)
  • start a cassette colllection!!
  • just live for myself more :-)
  • release an ep/album!!!

of course im not expecting to complete all of these but i want to do most if not all of them!! :-)

anyways lately ive been okay.. just been at home with the exception of wednesday ^_^ wendays i went to an arcade with my girlfriend and spent all my money.. then we watched breaking bad... i love jesse pinkman so much he doesnt deserve any of that... :( anyways smiley ive also been doing a lot more music stuff too!! i have three songs done now for my ep and ive also been practicing piano!!! my keyboard has a bunch of fun sound effects and im excited to use them maybe!!! i first have to learn more about how to play it.. idk ive just been really inspired lately :-)

i dont relaly know what else to say... lately ive been listening to a lot more they might be giants demos and dial-a-song tapes and i found some gems.. currenlty listening to the 1989 tapes and its so weird to hear it in such bad quality (LOVINGLY...) its really lucky taht someone actually recorded those! the sapphire bullets demo sounds so different... its much scarier hearing dial-a-songs when you actually call though im alwyas paranoid someone's gonna pick up even though i know it doesnt work like that...

hmm... thats about it for now! ill see if this blog format is actually something i wanna keep doing or not... later alligator!

go back?

december

12/31/23

album of the day: The Woods - Sleater-Kinney

i can't believe it! today's the last day of 2023! this is the last blog entry of the year :-) its been such a great year,, im honeslty shocked at how many things went my way... ill list some important things below, just because i feel like it :-) some events of the last year were:

  • started dating my girlfriend ! (2/3/23!)
  • took a video editing class!!
  • got an iMac g4!!! (we had it previously, btu now it was mine! - 3/9/23)
  • saw two concerts, and almost saw my favorite band ! (4/25/23, 11/3/23, and 4/16/23 respectively)
  • went to PROM!!!!!!!!!! (i wore a dress, but hopefully next year i wont have to ! - 5/12/23 - also my birthday)
  • went to the desert and Los Angeles with my half sister!! (7/8/23-7/15/23)
  • got approved to take testosterone hrt !!!! (11/30/23)
  • had my girlfriend come over to my house (this may seem normal, but it's a big deal for me... - 12/3/23)
  • got a new computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (12/25/23)
i just think it's great how fortunate i've been this year .. there have been some bad things but i'd rather not mention them because they're all unimportant in the grand scheme of things... anyways yeah its been a great year! i think in the new year or my next blog entry ill write out my 2024 new year's resolutions, but not yet :-)

anyways back to our regularly scheduled programming! its been okay recently, i;ve mostly just been staying at home and doing whatever.. i recently got back into doing stuff with beep/jummbox, and i wrote another song! i think i actually might follow through on my plan of making an ep, but that might take me a while ^_^ i currnelty have two songs, but I don't think either of them are quite finisehd yet :-) I decided on makign an ep instead of a full-fledged album because i think a shorter tracklist might make it feel less daunting to finish a full project. i dont know what it;ll be called yet either . im excited though! soon ill make a music page somewhere around here to display my hard work!

I went shoppig with my girlfriend on thursday, and also we tried selling stuff at our local Crossroads. She was successful, but i wasn't, because i didnt have a legal id (she used her dad's...) i was reallys ad, becaue we spent upwards of 2 hours standing aroudn waiting in the line. (FIGRUATEVELY!! we got boba and went to safeway !) but it was okay! we went to her house and she gave me a christmas stocking her grandparents made me :-) it's really cute! it had stationery and candy inside!

tommorrow shes coming over, and we might make gingerbread houses together! in the next week i have some stufff to do, i need to finish reading Frankesntein for school and i also really have to text back a friend, i kind of forgot to today and now its too late (its 2:46am as of writing this..) and i should get to bed. goodnight!

12/25/23

album of the day: Phone Power - They Might be Giants

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!! today's been a good day :-) i havent been able to make any updates on this site because my computer broke, and i was using a loaner... however now on christmas my mom got me a shiny new computer so i can blog all i want!!! its very nice :-) it runs windows 11 too so now i can actually like run stuff on it (i had a chromebook befor ethis) umm yes! my family really liked the presents i got them, and todays been really nice so far! in a couple hours my moms daughter and her family are coming over, so we'll have dinner and give them their gifts then too!! i love christmas :-)

lately ive been drawing a lot! i didn't really have a lot else to do.. i've been trying to get better at procreate, so i've been borrowign my sibling's ipad to practice :-) i think i'm okay at it now! i feel like digital art is more popular than traditional art online, but that doesnt mean ill stop using my sketchbook :P i've also been hangning outwith friends and all that fun stuff. I jjst realised i havent made plans for anythng else this break... i should do that

hmmm yeah i think on this laptop ill get cakewalk and some games!!! i wanna find a fun drawing program if you guys have any reccommendations :-) ive also been thinking about getting a third-party code editor thats just directly on my desktop? i have codepen but thats in browser... it might actually just be easier to have codepen now that i thin about it.. whatever !

i will start making more music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so for chirstmas i got a beanie baby (its the ty 2k one! verycute), a cd/cassette/fm radio player, two cds, Dykes to Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel, a notebook. and some candy ^_^ and also ofc the laptop. its great im so lucky that i got everything on my list! i also got a little wallet thingy with snoopy on it from my girlfriend, and a bracelet and a homemade miffy keychain from my sibling! yay!

ill also probably use this page in january but ill redecorate it... since i havent really been able to use it.. yes okay bye i love you

12/9/23

album of the day: Gizmodgery - Self OR Wallsocket - Underscores OR ! Shimmering - Glitter Freeze (THATS MY GF'S ALBUM SHE RELEASED IT TODAY!!)

This past week has been finals prep week. and also i havebeenso bysy so im sorry i couldnt update. actually why am i apologizing like tliterwally who cares. anyways its been crazy this week has been so horrible and jst like lately ive been feeling so awfullike i dont know if its the weather or what butits just been bad... umm i havent really done much outside of schoolwork but like i dunno i felt the need to blog....

oh christmas is coming up! and also its the third night of hanukkah!! I wanna get a christmas tree but we dont have enough space for one i dont think :( i dont even think we've had a tree for a couple years :( its sad but like theres worse thingsthat could happen...

also today was my girlfriend's birthday!! i madeher one of those cute little cat hats and made it a stripey black and purple :-) because of poor planning i spent all morning finishing it up and i got really stressed doing it :( ialso cried a lot on the way there for some reason because i jst like couldnt take any of the stress anymore :( it wasnt even because like of this morning i just like havent gotten any downtime this week and there were a lot of things onmy mind... buti think i feel betternow ...

her party was suer fun tho!! we watced a movie about likethese weird magicians and we played this boardgame about trains!! i love hanging out with my friends,, and she really liked the gift i made her :-) i cant believe shes a year older than me now.. (we're about 6 months apart) but yes i loveher so much she's the betst :-) im hoping we can hang out a ton over finals week.. oh we also took the bus tomyhouse for the first time but it tooka whileso i dunno how much we'll be doing that :( i live so far away from all my friends...

umm but now since its all over i can work on an animation ive been doing for about a month!i havent been actaly doing it for a month, but ive occassionally remmebered it and done a little... it a chorus from a song so its super short, but its my first ACTUAL one ithink! yayy!!also over winter break i'll probably also workon my music or something! awrsome!

also i just got reminded but em released her first album today so i included that at the top! i think one or two of the songs are actually about me ♥ shes so sweet... go checkit out !!

anyways thats like it i think umm i hope everythings greatilove you all bye

12/1/23

album of the day: Nanobots - They Might Be Giants

HIIIIIIIIii okay ive beenlike super busy so i really havent been able to work around here in a while... umm new blog page!!! i love christmas so much like i thinkits so fun adn the decor is great... i started this page in chemistry class earlier this day and only got around to finishing it at like midnight the next day so it's not technically the 1st anymore but imcountign it as the first... anyways HII

my thanksgivign break and this past week has been good... hung out with my friends + girlfriend at a creek on tuesday (11/28) and it was super fun! we took a lot of photos andbought ice cream sandwiches to have :-) wednesday i ran into a friend on my bus ride home and we hung out until i had to get off at my stop! i might hangout with him at some point, he seems cool ^_^ then thursday something BIG happened... might need it's own paragraph... wait hold on

okayy so thursday (11/30) i had an appointment at the GENDER clinic... mhmm... got picked up at 12:30 from school and we talked to a couple doctors... keep in mind ive been anticipating this appointment since it was scheduled in july, and it was to talk about options about medically transitioning. i walk in. wall-e is playing in the waiting room. im listening to the 2018 studio album i like fun by the alt-rock band they might be giants. they callmy name. i talk to an assistant doctor. they start asking me kind of personal questions about what parts of my body i dont like (IN FRONT OF MY MOM...). they bring in the doctor doctor. she asks me the questions again. she asks me my goals. then she says i can get testosterone as early as January, and hands me a 4-page pamphlet consent form to fill out in the next 4 months. i tell her i want it a bit later, then she suggests April. i say that's too late. SOOO... super long storyshort im getting testosterone HRT on march 14th!!!!!1 im having to get the shots because they said its better if i vary my dose since im not an adult, but im super super excited!!!!! ive been looking forward to this for a really long time!!!! also they said i can probably get top surgery soon too, and that my insurance will cover it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 anyways afterwards i got a sandwich and went home and cried

umm today i hung out with my friend and emily (thats my girlfriend!!) and we went to her house and played plants vs. zombies! then i came home and cried and then worked on this page! im super excited for christmas because ill be able to get a new computer and like back up my website onto my computer and also run a bunch of software that i currently cant because i have a chromebook!!! ive alsobeen trying to work on my wishlist but its hard since i dont really want anything.... umm yeah

lately eveeryones been talkign about joining a band and it seems fun but i need to replace my bass strings in order to... they sound so bad :( i also wanna learn drums but i don't have a set and if i learned it then we wouldnt have a bassist :( i think it owuld be fun though.. buti dunno the only band ive been in i was a drummer :P ive also beentryingto write more of my own music but i only have one song already and im waiting for my new computer before i get seroius so i can get liek my own audio software... all i do is wait these days...

also ive been super busy getting ready to have my gf come over since for a while she hasnt been able to but yeah its been kind of stressful! hopefully everything turns outokay :-) it usually does, im not worried ^_^ i know my room is usually kept clean and thats mainly what i want to care about (sadly, i care about everything, so i can't really control that) umm yes! lots of stuff to do yay!

i cant think of anyting else to write at the moment and my hands are getting tired form typing so much so this is goodbye!! happy december :-)