12/3/22

hihi!! its finally december!! its starting to get colder and more rainy here, which is always a good sign :) its rained all day today,, and me and my family went to the mall to do some shopping!! i got a new shirt with a cute star cutout,, and also a nice jacket!! hopefully ill be able to stay warm..

yesterday my school was doing a field trip thingy to a roller skating rink,, so me and my friend signed up :P it was really fun,, and the lights looked so pretty!! rollerskating is so fun,, but i can understand why some people dont like it LOL

lately ive been half-stressed about finals coming up,, but also way too tired to actually work on anything.. i usually tend to just think about it a lot and then not really take any action. all that really does is make me break out :/ im glad i was able to finally work on here though,, i thought that a winter-themed layout would be perfect for december!

i recently started listening to more logan whitehurst stuff,, and i realized today that most of the artists i listen to were kinda inspired by each other! logan whitehurst was inspired by oingo boingo and tmbg,, and lemon demon was inspired by all three of them!! its really interesting,,, and also ive found some really cool covers :P i think i actually asked for the goodbye my 4-track cd for christmas,, even though i only found it in september. its really good though, my favorites would probably be Your Brain Fell Out and At the Wig Store ♥♥ also kinda unrelated: i checked my spotify wrapped a couple days ago and it said i was in the top 0.005% of tmbg listeners,, which i think is wild?? i would probably say i listen to them at least once a day,, but i never thought it was that much?? anywho,, its really nice to get a full view of how you use spotify,, and i was actually looking forward to it for like two weeks LOL

12-5-22

hi!! this past weekend i did a lot of shopping,, and because of that i didnt really have a lot of time to work on any of my hobbies. i did paint though, but it looks really awful. i feel like a lot of my art kinda turns into vent art,, since i tend to paint how i feel. i dont know,, its cool,, but also it hurts to look at afterwards- & i also cant really share it with people.

today was my friends birthday,, but since i dont go to their school i cant really give her the gift. i mean, since we arent really that close, i guess i dont really need to get them anything. id ont know,,,,,,,,,, it sucks to think that we're kind of just strangers now. i guess thats just how life is.

people are really loud... im in english right now, and we're supposed to be doing extra work. this week is review week, and then next is finals. the colder months are already difficult for me, and plus my family isnt traveling anywehre for break. it sounds like im being ungreatful, but i only really get to travel during christmas and new year's. originally, we were going to visit my grandparents on my mom's side, who i havent seen in 7 years. we've kept in touch over letters, but i just feel really disconnected to my family overall. i mean, i cant contact either of my biological parents, and also even when i could they didnt talk to their relatives a lot. it sucks, because then it doesnt really feel like im a person anymore. LOL!! anyway, they live in michigan,, and i really wanted to be able to see snow and travel more. plus, i was also looking forward to visting Marvin's Marvelous Mechanical Museum, it seems really fun (and totally not tally hall related).

i HATE headaches!!!!! i feel like im dying!!!!!

12-8-22

hello!! finals review week has been stressful!! tonight was the opening night for our school play, robin hood, and my family bought tickets to go see it :P a lot of the people in it were really worried that it wouldnt turn out good, but i really liked it!! i think that a lot of the times the creators of something are the most critical of how it is. i know i feel like that a lot too, with here and also with my own art and music skills. a lot of the times i feel like my sites design is inadequate compared to others, but the reminder that i still built it from scratch and ive learned a lot really helps.

i am SOOOOO COOOOOOLD!!!

okay i forgot i was writing this but its the next day and im currently in class :P this morning was really stressful because my mom and i got into an argument about my ed again... theres another appointment comign up later this month where theyll see if i should get sent to a clinic and shes kinda not really let me choose what to eat.. it sounds stupid that im this stressed over it but its really important to me and i wish it could all just go away.. i cant make my own food man i cant choose and these past couple of months ive been so nitpicky over what i eat and now the fact its all gone out the window is really jarring.. i cried three times yesterday and once today.. yeah im really stressed and i hope this weekend goes smoothly :(((

12-16-12

hi!! finals week is finally over,, and todays the first day of winter break for me :) i think i kinda overestimated how bad the tests would be, because last week flew by so fast!! im sadly not gonna travel anywhere over break, but luckily a lot of my friends are also staying home,, so ill probably have a lot of company :)) also, this sunday my family got tickets to see the nutcracker ballet,, so we all got rly fancy outfits to go in :P i think i have this rly pretty green blazer,, and maybe some cool pants to go with it!! tbh christmas isnt really that exciting for me now, its more generally having time off that im excited about. since it doesnt snow in my area, its kinda hard to be festive. everythings just kinda.. there. it does rain a lot though, so theres super green grass in the middle of winter LOL

lately ive really been trying to fix my mental health,, or just changing the shitty habits ive had for a while. im also trying to recover from an eating disorder. this mornign i ate oatmeal with nutella, cheerios, and half an apple and then i cried for half an hour over it. i dont want to live like this. its really fucking hard considering the fact that 9 doctors and my mother still think im sick. maybe i still am. but if i was really sick, truly sick, i wouldnt want to recover. in october, i was scared of recovery. in august, when i was at my lowest, i thought i wasnt 'sick enough'. maybe i never was. but i dont want people controlling what i eat, so id rather force myself to recover and do it on my own terms. whatever though!!!! in two hours ill be having fucking pizza with my fucking friends and well be visiting a fucking school and itll be fucking great and i wont cry in the bathroom over it!!!!!!!!! im normal now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12-25-22

hello! its been a while, i think 9 days? anyway, i havent been doing much, this past week ive been hanging out at my house a lot. today i visited some family that lives near me, made cookies, and overall my christmas wasnt very eventful. which is good. i kinda wish i couldve visited family that lives more north, to see snow, but ill get to visit maybe in the spring, so im not that bummed. i think in february im going to michigan, which im super excited about :))

for xmas i got a hoodie, some craft kits, a mug, jewelery, a baking set, and also some cds but they havent shipped yet. im really happy with everything i got though! once the cds show up, ill add them to the list and talk about them here, too. its silly though that my family celebrates christmas, seeing as how were all athiest. its the thought that counts, rihgt?

its hard this season 2 stay positive, and recently i also made a goal to keep more in touch with my friends!! so,, last friday i went ice skating with some school firends,, tommorrow im sleeping over at my best friends house, and this friday im seeing a movie w someone and their sister!! personally, its really hard for me to regularly reach out and keep in touch with people. partially because it doesnt cross my mind, but also i dont know what to say and end up overthinking it. i really feel bad though, but at least with this im trying to show other people i care. hopefully they know that!

i know ive talked about my ed a lot recently, so ill try to keep it short. this past thursday, i went to a really important appointment in a fancy hospital so that i could meet some doctors and they would check on how im doing. also so if i would be in enough danger to myself that i would need to go to an in/outpatient program. luckily, since ive gained weight, they said it wouldnt be neccissary. i dont think i agree with what their plan for me, but im not opposed to revoery. hopefullly ill be healthy one day.

to be honest, im not really that interested in coding anymore. also i got kinda burned out. but,, im not completely abandoning here!! i dont wanna fully stop, so ill still be making blog posts n whatnot. also, i wont stop updating stuff. it just wont be as frequent or as large-scale as it used to be. i love it here,, n i dont wanna let it collect dust. i also love the ppl i now know since making this!! ily person reading this!! wow this is turnign into an acceptance speech i should stop LOL

anywho,, happy holidays,, & stay warm out there!!

12-31-22

hihi!!! i cant believe its the last day of 2022!! so much has happened,, but i also feel like january was soo recent. this year i:
-made a website (this one!!)
-started a cd collection :P
-went to new orleans, washington dc, mendocino, eureka, and technically utah (i had a layover LOL)
-started a new school in august and met a bunch of super cool people!!
-got lots of new plushies!!
-have NOT cut my hair; last time was november 2021 :)
-learned how to cook/bake wayy better!! im super good at it now!!!

i think that even though it didnt feel like it,, this year was super eventful :P i have a couple new years resolutions too,, but im kinda tired of talking abt it LOL

to be completely honest, i dont remember this past week too well. yesterday i went to see the second Avatar movie with a friend that i havent seen since may,, and it was pretty fun!! they look super different,, but after a long time doesnt anyone? i cant believe that the movie was 3 hours and 17 minutes though, that feels just absurd. they should make movies shorter again. anyway, overalll my sleep schedule has also been getting wayy worse, yesterday i couldnt sleep until 2am and ended up having a painic attack and got too exhausted after that. next week is still no school, so i think i still have time to fix it. my mental state also isnt the best, but i dont think theres a whole lot i can do about it right now, since the weather is probably affecting it. take baby steps, i guess. my goals at the moment are to eat normally, change clothes everyday, and do things that make me feel better. i think itll help, even though i havent gone a full day doing all three yet. one day!

lately ive been doing a lot of research on stuff i can do during the spring, since last semester i was super bored with just going to school and home. my commute takes at least an hour and a half, so theres not a lot i could do. however, i do need to get p.e. credits in order to graduate, so i was thinking of doing either swimming or some sort of martial arts. boxing seems cool, but judo might also be useful,,, since im pretty short. im looking forward to the spring, since its my favorite season, and theres a lot more ill be able to do in nicer weather. dont get me wrong, rain is great, but it get depressing after a couple days. i miss my bike. its dyign out in the rain, since i dont have anywhere to store it to protect it from the rain. im just praying it doesnt rust, that thing is like a child to me LOL

anywho, hope the season is treating u well, reader!! stay dry!