avril
4/30/23
i cant believe its the end of april... i really really dont want it to be may jst because thats prom and my half-sisters bday and my birthday........ UGH!
yesterday i went prom shopping with my girlfriend and her parents and it was so awkward!!!! apparently she didnt really need anything and i jst ended up shopping w her mom bc she got bored or smth idk.. we got starbucks n i got a tamagotchi at this comic place which is fun :) that comics store is one ive known all my life,, my parents know the owners n they visited when i was born and also when my mom died :P its rlly near n dear to me n im happy i went w her !! also ive been into tamagotchi for like a year and i really wanted one for a while,,, so im really happy i got one :))) i dont know what to name him though,, i jst know that i want the name to start with an S!
today was my friends bday party,, but her actual birthday is on the 6th! i got her a cactus and a music box,, and we made terrariums!! woohoo!! fun!!! i got kinda mad at everyone and like idk this weekend has been really busy and ive gotten mad at myself and it just feels like everyone wants something from me that i dont have... also i dont really have a reason ive just been acting like an asshole and should probably stop before i do something even worse
anyways i watched my neighbor totoro yesterday with my sister and i kinda wanna make my blog for may themed after that movie... i rlly rlly love it and it was my first studio ghibli movie ive watched!! rhe end credits art is so so pretty and i love katsuki's outfits aaa!!! i think ill be done with the page at the end of the week if not by tuesday..
i think thats it for april!! bye bye !!
4/26/23
woah its been six days!! ive been crazy busy like living life and i havent rlly had a lot of free time.. this weeks been kinda eventful,, yesterday i went to a noahfinnce concert for my best friend's birthday,, there were two opener acts and i liked one of them more than the actual main event.. umm i dunno i found him annoying but i did it for my bestie :) weve been friends for about 8 yrs and even though we dont go to the same school or anything like that im happy we can still hang out every once in a while n not have it be awkward :P
another thign is that on saturday i went to a little program thingy that my mom made me do that the state made her make me...it was soo boring and it was 7 hours that i had to go to on a SATURDYAUFUhkfd it was jst about preparing for college n stuff and i hated it but afterwards we got slurpees and went to a plant nursery and i got a new plant!! its an orange zinna and i also got a gift for my bestie for their birthday that i was SUPPODED to give to them after the concert but my mother forgot it
hi em i love u
i hung out w my gf on munday and we went to whole foods and it was super fun except the stuff we got was FOUR WHOLE DOLLARS 🤯
anyways not really much happening,, im gonna go prom shopping w her too on saturday and then sunday is my friends bday party and thats gonna be rlly fun!! i got her a bear paw cactus n i think shes gonna like it :))
dont rlly knwo what esle to say... bye bye!
4/20/23
its weed day..........cool
umm today hasnt really been that eventful but i did work on getting all of the site like responsive for different screen dimensions which took a while... i decided to finally use the stylesheet that neocities gives you bc its much easier than changing 8 pages each time... also i was rlly dumb and like used margins to line up everything to that took a while to fix :P i saw an old idea of another index i had and i kinda wanna change it now.... thats even more work though WHY
hi em!!! i dont know if you still read these but hello
oh yeah um i finally figured out a gift for my friend.. theyre really into botany and stuff so i was jst thinkign about getting them a plant or something... im probably gonna go to a plant nursery over the weekend or maybe even tonite to get something for them!!! yippee!! times flying so fast its already almost the end of april wow ..
oh yeah yesterday there was this climate day workshop thing and i spend the whoel day messing around with trash!! that doesnt sound very fun but i was happy to be able to clean up around the neighborhood of my school,, and plus another reason to clean it up was that in the afternoon we made art with the trash!! one of my classmates found a dead bird and anohter found a wheel rim.. practically gold i mean it was a volkswagen you cant get better than that (someone ended up jst gluing bottlecaps to it and its hung abouve the stairs :)
but i dunno i mean my grandpa died on tuesday and i kinda talked abt my mom a little bit 2.. it sucks but i didnt know him and im jst rlly disconnected 2 my family so its not a huge deal... ig im jst grieving something that i never knew :P
i think today im going to the lake again w my gf and uhhh i dont know what else but maybe the nursery ! its so pretty outside i luv spring :) au revoir !!
4/17/23
yk that concert i said i was gonna go to.... THEY WOULDNT LET ME IN :(((( the age limit is 16 and older and im 15 and they woyldnt let me go :(((((( i was so sad but like they were admant about it and i jst i feel like im not the 'target audience' 4 that band anymore so ive kinda stopped listening to tmbg this week... i was in the top 0.005% of listeners last yr for my spotify wrapped so thats something... kinda embarrasing but whatever :P
also also my girlfriend finally got home from her trip and i went to her house yesterday :)) it was really really nice except we had a fight and i was rude to their parents and like i feel so bad abt it omhgakhfkhkhdhfhdskh its fine now i jst need to do better i feel like i fuck up so much at this point and i dont know how to fix any of it ... i did have to research some things tho so i think im good ig.... also they checked out this site earlier today and they said it was pretty cool :)) i showed her this blog and also february's one <3
i just almost broke my finger because i was trying to crack it too hard
okay id say that i wouldnt stop listening to tmbg just that it wont be as much.. im listenig to apophenia right now so i cant even talk T_T but i guess im like just listening to more new wave in general so like im branching out!! woohoo!!! i do wanna listen to all 23 albums eventually though :)
also ive been thinking about getting into making zines again or maybe filmmaking.. okay yeah those are two very different things but for the former i used to make zines in 5th grade a lot and i kinda wanna start doing it again... i started one yesterday about my hobbies and im really excited to start using colored pencils again i love making stuff rlly colorful :)) for the latter i was in a video production course for my school during the two weeks of special programs,, and we got to keep our gimbles (phone stabilizers) and after watching nkotr last week i wanna do that too... i jst need people to do it with me... also i jsut found out it has its own imdb page?! what?!
anyways also its my best friend's birthday and i havent gotten them anything yet... ive known them since we were in kindergarten but i jsut dont know what to get them... maybe some art supplies or new clothes i dunno
i hope yalls aprils are good if anyone even reads these :P au revoir !!
4/15/23
today i feel a bit weird... okay yeah i woke up at 8:30 after going to bed at like 1am and i laid in my bed until 11am.. then i read and scrubbed my sink and now im here :P um in a couple hours im going to a tmbg concert with my family and i kinda dont wanna go even though theyre my favorite band.... i mean i dunno i jst feel disconnected and tired and like theyre jst gonna preform all of flood which i know like the back of my hand... on the other hand (nice segue) if i dont go id be reeally sad i missed it. so whatever. umm my mom told me to bring my flood cd in case theyre doing signings because the website said nothing about it and im really confused abt it.. i guess ill figure it out
i wanted to go to the library jst now but i decided against it because i dont really have the energy to shower.. i feel so dumb for staying up late when i know ill be out past midnight tonight too UGHGHSHKJFHkusakhfkjhsakuhfaslkjhsdfkjhdfdfk and i dont drink caffiene either so ill jst have to deal with it :((((((
umm oh yeah the airport wouldnt let my gf leave because they flew in with their mom and theyre leaving witht heir dad... so their flight got pushed back a day and i cant see the mario bros movie with them :(((( i like cried when they told me they should be on the flight rn T_T well its fine though because ill still see them tommorrow but jst like it sucks... i thought this weekend would b like the best ever but i guess that just depends on me and not the things going on around me.... hmmm this is interesting.... subjective experience makes objective reality
umm after i go ill put photos of how it went!!! im hopign it goes well bc stuff todays kinda sucked :P see ya later!!
4/11/23
okay so im in the middle of history class,, but i dont really have that much else to do so im working on this... its a beautiful day but like it was so warm and my friend had to leave in the middle of lunch so i was just about to like fall asleep T_T my other friends kinda left me & my gf has been gone and the worst part is people have been asking me if i miss them oMG like i was thinking when i came in today that like idk i jst like i had to also cancel on my friend because i need to work on a project for french class so i cant really do anything :P umm but yeah i like wanna be happy bc its like pretty outside but also i have nobody to talk to right now so like whatever
yeah i dont have that much to talk about...i think i need to like be a more independent person i guess... or maybe jst like develop some semblance of a personality :P
4/9/23
okay hey guys um hi its easter now!! i wanted to draw some this week but i ended up jst drawing yesterday at like midnight... and i really like it i jst dont wanna put it here but umm i dunno i shoudl start using more color on my art than whats there because i used some red pen for the outline and it made it so much more like lively!! also i wanted to maybe use markers too because idk using like patches of color behind/over pencil also might help too.. i can use my sister's ipad to use procreate which is how i made the neocities button but i prefer traditional art... to each their own i guess
what else... i found some old electronics and stuff in a box while cleaning and i really wanna set up my old wiis.. we have two because me n my sister had one and then when my mom moved in she brought hers too so yeah... the only bad thing is our tv doesnt have the right ports for the audio in/out and like idk its kinda sad but also everythings jst hdmi ports now and i cant use the wii.. i really want animal crossing:city folk but right now i have resident evil 4, lego star wars, and some others i havent found yet.. hopwfully i can eventually :P
sorta short entry 2day but later im going over to my friends house for lunch and baking cookies for easter :) i hope ur days r good today au revoir
4/7/23
hey girlies its me.... umm so i think sunday is easter and like im kinda happy that ive done more on this site but definitely not as much as i want to.. um but i did sew some things and yesterday i went into the city for an appointment and liek nobodys done anything today and im like going crazy again
okay so some good news is that that appointment at the hospital yesterday was like a 1.5 month checkup about my EDNOS and they said i can do sports again!!!! yippee!!1 the bad part is that i accidentally saw my weight and i started spiraling... but my intital reaction was that iw as happy that i was stable so thats good.... um i jst dont want to start a sport right this second because im afraid ill get obsessive about it and lose all my "progress".... umm but everyone congratulated me though
okay another thing: im seeing they might be giants in concert!!! on the 15th!!!! yippee!!!!!!! im genuinely so excited like i didnt even know i would be going until wednesday morning when my mom told me.. umm im going w her and my sibling which isnt ideal but also im not technically old enough to go and they both like them too so i guess it is ideal... im so excited aaaa
my brain hurts i think im done now...
4/4/23
hi again!! its been two days!! ummm... i think today ill definitely try to work on here for a while,, maybe even add a new page,, i dunno... yesterday was sorta uneventful, i watched the first resident evil movie with my sister and folded clothes.. and also cried abt my girlfriend and then scrubbed my windowsill using a toothbrush bc the dirt wouldnt come off.. also i had a painic attack so its not that great so far
i think sunday i had finally gotten all the recycling up from my front yard and cashed it in,, and i got 34 dollars!! however,, i had to give some to my mom,, but i still got 2/3rds of the profit,, which isnt that bad either :))
i was thinking about maybe making a page about custom clothes i have,, since ive kinda found i have a lot.. or not really custom clothes but clothes ive altered in some way (i.e: embroidery,, paint,, etc.), but i wouldnt know how to go about photographing them... i dunno i think ill start with redoing my cd page i think
i think that april is one of those months where like it feels like because its in the middle of the season,, not much is really gonna happen... i dont know i feel like it really shoudlnt be april already not jst because i have a weird sense of time but also because i havent really done enough to make it feel like april shoudl be here. its a slow day,, and you can smell the flowers in the breeze,, and i havent done enough to appreciate it. but even if im here writing on my laptop instead of outside,, either way ill feel like i havent done enough. the sun will still set regardless. i think i just need to stop being on my phone so much.
last night i set an alarm to wake up at 2:45am so that i could text my girlfriend because she would've landed in santiago by then. none of my messages went through,, and i couldnt fall asleep for another hour. it feels like ive become more and more aware of how much im thinking about her,, and also that she's the only person i kinda ever talk to. without her, i kind of completely isolate myself. to be fair,, ive kind of planned on cleaning a lot for the next two weeks, now that she wants to come over,, i have to sort of deal with all of that instead of pushign it to the side. fucking hell
but anyways after this ill probably either wash dishes or like go on my phone for a while.. i hope yalls spring breaks r good and im sorry again for not updating as much as i should
4/2/23
hey adoring fans... its april. fourth month of 2023. im so tired but also scared,, so nto much has changed
so umm my girlfriend leaves for chile today n theyre gonna b gone for two weeks.... i miss them so much like i had dinner w them n their family yesterday and it was rlly fun and i was like waving to them as we were driving away :((((( then i cried LOLZ
i know its not for that long but like last night was rlly nice and im rlly gonna miss them so much :(((
anyways i found an ethernet cable and a wifi extender in the darkest reaches of my house and now my imac is connected to the internet!!! i found a supercool webring that is specifically for older computers called ucanet,, and i was thinkign abt making ANOTHER site there!! im rlly exxcited to use that computer more bc like all ive used it for is making cds and a little bit of adobe illustrator...... umm yeah thats abt it i dont know what ill use it for,, it might jst be a place to store files or it might be liek more...
also this week is spring break so im probably gonna be cleaning a lot too because umm i cant have anyone over and like this is my chance to like actually make a change so yah!! self improvement!!! i dont wanna go into the details but lik its basically ruined my life and like i wanna change it so YEAH!
im also gonna add an album of the week later and imgages here btu i have to leave im late aaa
