6/28/23
song of the day - Stick Stickly - Lemon Demon; Live (Only Not)
okok i know its been 8 days but ive been super busy and also like super burnt out on like everything :( i feel like my site isnt cool enough compared 2 other people's and like also with my art its not like i make anything actually worthwhile to shar with other people, most things i make are very self-centered and all about me and my past.. i know it's a way to express yourself but come on :( anyways i needa take a break from all that stuff so ive been out and about doing a lot of stuff!
today i went to the zoo with my girlfriend,, and i was really looking forward to see the giraffes !! luv giraffes so mcuh i love their little design and theyre so cute with their purple tongues!! we also saw tigers, lions, condors, monkeys, and sm more animals!! we also saw someone who goes to our school,, apparently she works there T_T still fun! we got an icee and popcorn later, and went to their house for a little while ^_^ turns out i had accidentally left my Tamagotchi with them since i saw them last (sunday) so my old one had died and she had to make a new one! I still can't believe Liam's gone.. its now Rosie !!! im really hoping its mametchi,, it has to be it has to be im PRAYING!!
im trying taking a break from coding and just like technology in general but i keep crawling back... if im burnt out why do i keep forcing myself to work on stuff :( anyways i was working on trying to get sims 2 again and im genuinely so confused.. i looked on the repository and i did everything they reccomended,, im jsut not sure what to do with the .cracked file and how that relates to the app itself?? i zipped all the disc image parts and put everything in a folder but tbh i dont even know what im doing :( ive only downloaded one game this way and it was Civ 3.. this one has TWENTY-SEVEN different files UGHJSKDKH its all the different stupid expansion packs too.. the worst part is i already donated 10$ to be able to download larger files so i cant not figure it out.. ive been trying since april god jesus please help
anyways yesterday i watched 47 Meters Down:Uncaged with my friend and we both thought it was bad!! it was bad... all the characters were vv unlikeable except for the dad and the jumpscares were also predictable :P if i had a Letterboxd id rate it a 4/10 :-) also today i re-watched The Peanuts Movie and it was really good!! i had borrowed em's woodstock plush because they took my sweater,, and i love woodstock so much he's so cute aa ♥ i kept pointing him out thoughout the entire movie T_T
hmm what else.. i listened to Mouth Sounds like just now and i dunno if it's because i didnt really get most of the references but it wasn't as memorable as Mouth Moods or Mouth Silence :P i still need to listen to the last one but theyre all very good!! also the reason why the song of the day is Stick Stickly is becasuse i listened to it the first time the other day and its been stuck in my head ever since then :( i'm not complaining though..
im literally so nervous for my haircut im so scared the hairstylist isn't going to cut it right and i'm gonna be stuck with an awful haircut :( i haven't gotten my hair cut at a salon since i was around 10, during quarinitne i cut my own hair and i also haven't cut my hair since september of 2021 :P kind of suprised it took this long, but its very beautiful! im gonna miss it for sure :-) im cutting it for multiple reasons, i have a lot of dysphoria nwo that i look more like a girl because of how long it is, and also i feel like ive kind of let it grow out way too long,, its about 3-4 inches past my shoulders now.. still, i like how its more curly than before , and im gonna miss it a lot! i'm sure the new style is gonna be great :-)
alright i think that's it ! sorry it took a while, but as u can see it takes some effort.. or maybe im just really tired.. anwyays happy end of june!! au revoir!!
6/21/23
song of the day - Fool's Paradise - Oingo Boingo
its the summer solstice!!! so cool!! 14 hours and 47 minutes of daylight :-) today was good,, i went to see The Flash with my wonderful girlfriend, and we both decided that it actually wasn't as bad as people were sayign ! afterwards we walked around a nearby lake and watched some strangers play lawn bowling ^_^ it was rlly fun,, we both couldnt stop laughing though T_T anyways we went to her house and hung out, and when my mom picked me up we took her to get ice cream !! it was rlly nice!! i felt kinda weird though and ive been feelign lately like im either super good or like really really bad and idk why :( hope i get more regulated or something IDK i missed my therapy appointment this week anyways so like idk whats up with me
last night i finally got around to installing Civilization 3 on my mac!!! i used Macintosh Repository (i should rlly put them on the links page..) to get the files and the game itself is really fun!! also that site is friendly to non-ssl supporting computers which is great because my mac is one of those! anyways i liked it in the beginning, and then because i didnt understand how to play i got really frustrated and almsot cried :( i had to restart using the tutorial and it was fun ! yay! i remember playing the original Civilization with my uncle when i was like 7 or something,, it was really fun even if i didnt get what was going on :P
what else what else... OHHH ummm two days ago i bought paint for the lower half of my room to repaint all of it,, and then that night i actually painted it!! it was really fun except i had to move my bed to the dead center of my room without making any noise otherwise i'd wake my family... still it was nice ! i got paint all over my clothes though :( that mornign i woke up and immediatedly lifted my entire mattress off to the side and turned my bedframe so it takes up less space in my room than before ! now its so much roomier (get it?) i might get a rug or something but i have other interior decorating goals to accomplish... priorities priorities !! it was difficult trying to return all the stuff back to my wall because i have like five or six different paintings and so many papers and photos n memoribilia tacked to my wall.. i even have my 8th grade halloween costume on my wall T_T also i had this like garland of paper people on the wall w my bed and it ripped so now that wall is so empty!! i was thinking about putting string lights or somethign there btu im not quite sure yet .. ill figure it out!
okay not to talk about my girlfriend again (i love you emm!!!!) but yesterday i also went to the lake with her again and she suprised me with a picnic!!! she got my favorite food and we drew together and it was so funn!! i accidentally broke her favorite bracelet though, luckily my kandi phase left me with a lot of extra supplies to fix it :-) i feel bad, but she said it was fine ... also i finally revived my tamagotchi last monday and i let her name it... she decided to call my tama Liam after Liam Gallagher of Oasis ??? i know a Liam at our school and thats who i associate the name with.. still cute name and cute pet!! im really hoping to get a Mametchi,, but i dont think its gonna happen :( i really also like Itchigotchis but those dont exist in gen2s :( so sad! ill get him eventually... im also working on a tamagotchi page right now but i'm not sure itll ever get done since i forgot most of the information i knew about them :( itd be so cute if i ever did finish them!!
im starting to realize that im putting in less effort into the designs of webpages and more into the actual content, which i think is good! either that or jst that css has gotten a lot easier for me :-) its a lot easier to build pages from scratch and ive found myself checking w3schools less now!!! yayyy!!!! a bad part of that though is that all my new pages kinda have the same format and theres not a lot of originality :( whatever as long as im making new things it should be fine :(
since i started writing it passed midnight so its june 22nd now :0 also bye bye ♥
6/18/23
song of the day - The Guitar - They Migth Be Giants (i like the music video ☺)
hii!! its also technically the 19th but its 1am so it doesnt count... anyways today was pretty great,, i went over to my girlfriends house and i actually let them drop me off at my house!! its a big deal for me because i havent really ever had people over at my house and im really anxious about how ppl would judge it,, so im really happy i faced my fears today ^_^ she said it looked nice too and i feel a lot better about it ♥ i dont think itll be resolved until i get it to the point to where people can actually enter the house,, but any progress is still progress :-))
yesterday i went to the petco food center w my family to wash my two dogs,, and because ive never actually gone to one of those like washing stations before,, it was definitely interesting.... i had a lot of help from my sister though,, and it was fun to wear the cute apron n stuff ^_^ my two dogs are named Daisy and Mitu,, and i also have a cat named Pascal !! i love my pets so much, theyre so cute!! also yesterday i was in mourning due to John-Knees death earlier that week (june 15) ive actually been thinking of starting a Tamagotchi page on here,, becuase im actually quite interested in it!! i have a gen2 tamagotchi in Garden Poppies,, and i love it smm!! i think i got it back in april,, but ive been wantnign one for a while.. my dream tamagotchi is the gen3 Apple Sherbet,, its soo pretty n i like the anntenna design ^_^
last friday to saturday i had a sleepover over at my mom's daughters house (not my sister,, legally or biologically) because my mom had to go to this overnight therapy intensive !! it was fun,, my sister asked for advice about her crush,, and we watched Chicken Run and got takeout!! i had a reallly weird dream that night, and had a like 3x3 blanket so i was freezing to death :( still fun though!
i was doing some research about something with my old mac and like security stuff to where it cant really see sites that are actually secure (https v http) but ive been findng out that it cant actually visit any site now??? i reconnected the ethernet and spent a lot of time researching about how to make it so it can see secure sites,, but im too scared to download the software i found... it said its dnangerous because it like makes your computer vunerable or something?? it was really hard to fidn anything that would help because most forums were only talking about super old macs or like more recent ones... mine runs macOS X 10.3.9/panther and like its so in between that it sucks trying to find stuff for it... i remember when i first got it i was trying to find old games to get using like macintosh repository n stuff and it was fruitless because i didnt knwo what i was doing (i still dont really!!) i did learn more about how dns works n stuff like that but i dont rememeber a lot of it now :(( one day itll work i swear...
what else... oh yeah i feel like becuase it's summer i feel a lot more like dysphoric and stuff which SUCKS because it's so much harder to present masculinely in the summer!! also i dont really have the best history with binding,, but even though im trying to avoid it bc its dangerous,, i still do it on bad days :( another thing that sucks is that men's fashion isnt really as.. detailed as womens and also like generally i look better when i look like a girl so its rlly hard having to decide that :( either i look ugly and can tolerate myself more or i look pretty but i hate myself... WOOHOO in all honesty i love being trans, its given me a really unique experience in life and an intereting way i view gender now, but its so hard to be happy with yourself sometimes... im trying though!!
i think that's it, im just spinning and typing now in my silly new chair! did i say i got a new chair? its the EDBERGET/MALASKAR in red, and i love it!! ive always loved spinny chairs,, and now i finally have one of my own! it was relatively cheap too! okay goodnight sweet dreams ily
6/16/23
song of the day - Dedicated To The One I Love - The Mamas & The Papas OR Between You & Me - Lemon Demon
hii this probably isn't the best time to be writing a blog post because i feel pretty bad and tired right now.. its like 12:50am on the 16th but technically im still up from the 15th but i guess it's the sixtheenth?? whattever time is so weird (i know how it works just from my perspective it doesnt feel like the next day yet). Lately i've been going to bed around 2am and waking up at 11, which is actually really nice!! i like not having a lot of time in the mornings because it just feels wasted and most of the time i'm usually being super productive at that time, but now because im out of school for the summer i dont really have anythign to do...
today i was originally going to hang out with my girlfriend but because i did that yesterday my mom wouldn't let me :( yesterday i went over to her house and brought some dvds and we watched them on her laptop ^_^ i brought Mean Girls and Clueless, and i know i have a Legally Blonde dvd somewhere but i didn't find it in time :( it was still fun, she likes mean girls a lot and we ate some chips n stuff it was fun! im listening to Super Hey Ya right now and everytime i hear it i always listen to the lyrics like wayy too well and like ... the singer is a total asshole but at least he's honest... also i like this version better its sm sillier ♥
hmmm so you know how i've been kinda redecorating my room recently? i was showing off my cds to my sister and i found out that the lyric booklet in my Flood cd can actually be unfolded to make a poster!! i immediately went to hang it up on my wall im so happyyy it looks so cool :-) ive always really liked the album cover,, monochromatic color schemes in general are rlly cool but especially it being green it just has this like really nice design that i like a lot :-)) im acutally wearing all green right now too,, so i guess of course i like it ^_^ (it's also my signature color- im almost always wearing some green) but yeah!! ive been lookign for a TMBG poster ever since i found out i could've gotten one at that concert had i been allowed in, and i realized its been sitting on my shelf since october-ish?? rlly happy i found it though ♥ ♥
ummmmm today i spent about four or five hours decorating my new mix CD!! its for summer 2023,, and im so so happy with how it turned out!!! i collaged all the words on it using old school assignments, and also got all the images from an old pamphlet from my 7th grade art class :-))) its soo pretty im genuinely so proud of it and once i get my phone back i'll post what it looks like to Tumblr!! it took a while and my eyes got so tired, but im rlly happy with it ♥ i had to use the jewel case from my How To Save a Life CD, because none of the jewel cases i have are clear,, theyre all tinted :( its okay though that cd was like two bucks :P
ive been super tired lately,, i just have the urge to like sleep like twelve hours a day and get up at like 5pm.. i know it's really badfor me but i just wanna lay in bed alll day and not have to face the world... i still get up though .. OH YEAH my tamagotchi died at fourteen years old :((( i heard him screaming for help and i sprinted downstairs to ask my sister for help and turns out the screamingwas his heartbeat slowing down until he screamed and died :((((( i actually yelled and as i was runnign i scratched myself and started bleeding but because of the shock i didnt feel it :0 ims o sososo sad iactually got attached to John-Knee like he was so cute and apparently one tamagotchi year is 5 human years so he was 70 when he died :((((( im sos saddd
not much else to say,, ill add more later if i have it
6/12/23
song of the day - Numbers - Neil Cicierega
heyy im backkkk OKKOK so these past couple of days have been fun!! today i went walkign all around my city with my girlfriend,, and we jst kinda hung out for a couple hours ^_^ i walked like 9,000 steps just that alone,, so im like soo tired now... i do it for her tho i love her sm
yesterday i woke up to my mom knocking on my door and sayign she got me a new desk like COMPLETELY randomly so that was fun!! i think its the MICKE desk from ikea in black :-) to be fair ive been asking to get a new desk since i was in elementary school and this was the one i really wanted soo.. im so happy!! im typing with my computer on it right now!! i love it!! anyways i had to move a lot of furniture yesterday to get it to work because my room is on the second story of my house T_T had to move TWO desks up and down a flight of stairs
umm saturday i think i went to the orthodontist for the first time to get an x-ray of my teeth because i might need braces :((((((9 IM SO SADDD AIHGSHDIULJKFNI:USLJKNFLI:CJ ik its not like that bad but like im still unhappy about it :(
what else... OH ive been thinking for like two months about cutting my hair but i had no idea what to do... until today!! i think im gonna cut my hair short-ish or at least shorter than i have now,, and get like longish bangs! writing this im realizing thats my friend's exact hairstyle ohh nooooo well he's growing his hair out anyways its finee umm but my mom ssaid shes going to the hairstylist on july 2nd and she said i could go with her ^_^ super xcited!!
anyways thats like about it BYE
6/9/23
song of the day - Wow Wow - Neil Cicierega OR Take a Picture - Lemon Demon (i know theyre the same person shhh)
TW: disordered eating (only for the 2nd paragraph)
hii this week's been kinda interesting,, i went record shopping with my friend and my gf,, i found John Henry and Speaking in Tongues on cd there which r now on my cd collection page :-) super happy i found those,, ive been looking for the latter for a while... sadly i didnt find what i was actually looking for,, which is Lincoln by They Might Be Giants! That's like my #1 CD i really want, the disc is actually my icon on Tumblr T_T its so pretty i rllly love ittt!! yesterday i went over to my gf's house to practice some music with her, she plays acoustic guitar and i play bass, so it was fun just to mess around :-) we were trying 2 find songs that were easy for both of us to play, and Ana Ng was one of them!! we only got like three notes in, but it was rlly nice to show her one of my favorite songs :-)
GUYS IM GONNA TALK ABT MY EATING DISORDER OKAY i went to another one of my monthly appointments about my EDNOS, and despite me really trying to recover they told me ive actually lost five pounds since last time. i almost cried right then and there like it was really painful because ive been really trying to not lose weight and have a stable weight but like it didnt do anything.... doesnt make it better that some of my old habits from then are kinda comign back.. then i had to talk to a nutritionist for like an hour and she was like super nice,, her and my mom got along super well, and none of them seemed mad luckily... however i do have another appointment in a month rather than two (the last one was in April) so like i dont wanna make anything worse next time... whatever whatever aauauhjahdsh
okay no more talking abt that anyways tmrw im also gonna go to the dentist's to talk about getting braces bc of that tooth pulling that happened like a month ago.... i really don't want braces but i guess it's only temporary.. it can't be that bad can it? my sister's had braces before and she said it only hurts for a couple days so im hoping she's right... other than that no more sucky stuff for a while i think ^_^!!! all done!!!
OH also i ordered these super cute tank tops from a wholesale brand and they just shipped today!!! theyre kids sizes but they fit me just fine :-) i feel like i've been spending way too much money lately but like it's summer and also a lot of it was just me paying for my friends, so once they pay me back it'll be fine ♥ i think that's it for today,, see u later n hope yr doing well !! bye ^_^
6/5/23
song of the day - Ana Ng - They Might Be Giants
hii!! its been pretty boring lately, today i just like stayed at home and messed around... i made a lot of art so thats great,, i also got into a fight with my mom but it got resolved so everything's fine ^_^
i did some more bleach painting today!! i painted a fish skeleton on my favorite green tank top, and a globe onto a shirt :-) i was originally gonna make the shirt have lyrics from Ana Ng, but i decided against it because i thought i wouldn't wear it as much.. i also found out that there is a car seat headrest song that references that song, and it made me smile ♥ ive seen a lot of reccommendations for Car Seat Headrest, but i don't think ill ever actually get into their music. along with bleach paingint, i painted my walls in my room!! it was just to patch/cover some areas, but i realized that even though i color matched it, the paint i chose didnt exactly fit the original color... still glad i get to cover up all the chips and imperfections, i like it much better now :-)
OH also i listened to Mouth Moods for the first time yesterday,, and after a couple listens i can sadly say its actually really good T_T i didnt want to listen to it because like i wasn't that desperate for new stuff from him,, but its so good im like shocked.. i really like Shit and 300MB.... so catchy
what elseeeeee ummmm i was trying to download like 5 different browsers onto my imac g4 because i like really wanted to be able to use the actual internet (currently only insecure sites/http load for me),, and i came across Omninet, which hasn't been supported since 2006, but i really like the formatting for it!! the open tabs are accessed on the left, but i actually wasn't able to get anywhere with any of the browsers i tried.. now im thinking its because of the version i have (MacOS 10.3.9/panther) howeverrr i cant update ittttt aauuuahghflslhfasjhfjlkfnjash BUT i dont really care that much, i kinda just use that machine to burn/rip cds but i wish i could do more... there's so much potential......
anyways tmrw im seeing my gf and we're going 2 the library,,, and wednesday i'm going to a record store with friends ^_^ excited for stuff coming up,, except friday because i have another checkup appointment for my EDNOS,,,, aaaaah its getting less scary the more i go and the more im recovering, which is good ^_^ TAKE CARE !!!
6/2/23
HI today was fun!! i decided to make this blog page fire themed bc i was wanting to do something with the fire background,, and june is a hot month so why not?
i went to see Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse today, it was opening day and i jsut got back from a school camping trip, so i went to see it with my girlfriend :-) it was fun, some people at the theatre were really obnoxious and kept talking during the movie, and i couldn't really hear what the characters were saying at some points :/ afterwards we went to a nearby starbucks and a furniture store while waiting for her dad to pick us up ^_^ i also stayed 4 dinner and we had chinese food which was fun !!
i think lately ive been super anxious about the future, with it being summer and all, but i think it'll be great :-) i have a lot of ideas of stuff i can do with my friends, so hopefully i follow through !!
HMM what else.. i really wanna expand my music taste, but like i also dont like listening to new music T_T i have a list, i wanna listen to more Britney Spears, DEVO, Sleater-Kinney, and more ppl too... its a long list :P ive always been a fan of TMBG and Lemon Demon, but lately ive been straying from my usuals... i dont even think i listened to any TMBG today which is crazy considering i was in the top 0.005% of their spotify listeners last year.. woah.. as for LD i think that my tastes have just shifted but its still fun sometimes ^_^ im now more of a new wave girlie but i like rock stuff and also like comedy music i guess?? i wanna get more niche but also i wanna get more used to other genres ... decisions decisions..
but yeah!! i have a lot of ideas for stuff i wanna start doing.. i need 2 do more work around here and i also wanna cut my hair n start birdwatching n sewing more and painting n THERES SM STUFF I WANNA DO AAA why cant i do 15 things at once?! life is so unfair...
anyways i'll add my little images here tomorrow, i think i like this formatting for a blog much more than one little entry everyday, its easier and less of a commitment :-) plus i can add images too okok bye ♥ ♥ ♥
